


I Can't Hear You (I Can Read You)

by Bellarke_Stories



Series: Canon Divergence [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clarke is deaf, F/M, Post Season 2, wells is alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 20:50:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellarke_Stories/pseuds/Bellarke_Stories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time he saw her, he was in medical with a bleeding elbow. Jackson was taking care of him while Abby was talking to her. Everyone knows that the chancellor's daughter is deaf so when he saw the older Griffin singing to the blonde girl, he figured out it was her daughter. </p>
<p>“Come on, Bellamy. We all know you’re not scared she will be scared of you.” Wells told him, “Look, we did what he had to save our people.” he continued, “Nothing will change the past. You should move on, make a new start. The start you want to have.” </p>
<p>“I don’t know, Wells. I’m sure she deserves better than me.” </p>
<p>“Let her be the judge of what she deserves.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HEY GUYS! How you doing? I'm fine, thanks! Here we are again! With a new fanfic! So, I had this idea- actually it wasn't my idea, I saw a post on tumblr describing this whole thing and I couldn't say just read it and not make it an actual fanfic. And just like that, my inpiration kicked out and I couldn't stop writing. I wanted to make it an one-shot but it ended up too long and I decided to split it to 4 chapters! Anyway, this is all I have for now... See you at the ending notes!

The first time he saw her, he was in medical with a bleeding elbow. Jackson was taking care of him while Abby was talking to her. Everyone knows that the chancellor's daughter is deaf so when he saw the older Griffin singing to the blonde girl, he figured out it was her daughter.

Jackson must have noticed he was staring at them because he tapped his shoulder, getting his attention. "She's Clarke. Abby's daughter." he told him and when Bellamy turned back to Abby. Clarke had _already_ left.

He saw her again the next day. She was sitting on the ground floor, leaning her back against the Ark's metal wall.

For a moment he didn't understand what she was doing but then he saw the black on the tip of her fingers and he realized she was drawing with charcoal (probably for the last night's fires). Her hair was tucked behind her ears but every so often some hair would fall in front of her face and she would put them again behind her ear. This was the _sweetest_ thing Bellamy saw since he came on the ground.

He didn't realize he was staring till Raven waved her hand in front of his face to take his attention.

"Where are you lost, Blake?" she asked and looked towards where he was staring.

"Clarke." Bellamy answered and tried to hide the smile that wanted to appear on his lips.

Raven turned to him, "Abby's daughter?" she asked surprised. He nodded. "She is a good girl. We talked a time or two since they found us."

"Yeah? And how- I mean- Never mind." he stopped himself before giving Raven anything else to tease him about. "I was just wondering how hard it must be for her to… you know… live on Earth with all the problems and…" he never finished his thoughts.

"Nah, I don't think so. Abby says she is a strong girl. A _real_ fighter." Raven told him and that forced the smile on his lips.

"Well, she is Abby's daughter after all." Bellamy joked and Raven laughed with him.

"Anyway, I have to go Bell. See you." Raven said and with a tap on his shoulder Bellamy was left alone again, studying the young girl on the ground.

If he wasn't nervous about talking with her he would have made a move the first day but Bellamy was actually really nervous about having a conversation with Clarke. He spent the next week staring at her from afar or asking people that knew her from the Ark about her, little by little learning something new about her.

"Why don't you just talk to her?" Wells asked him when Bellamy went to him the third time that evening, asking about her.

" _Me?_ " Bellamy asked scared, "Come on Wells, you know that if I talk to her I will scare the hell out of her. Or I will say something stupid and make her feel bad." he explained quickly, "I just- forget about it."

Bellamy was about the leave Wells alone but the younger boy grabbed his wrist, making him stop.

"Come on, Bellamy. We all know you're not scared she will be scared of you." Wells told him, "Look, we did what he had to save our people." he continued, "Nothing will change the past. You should move on, make a new start. The start you want to have."

Bellamy stared at the man's eyes, thinking about what he just told him. He wanted it to be _that easy_ , to just forget about the people you killed and make a new life. _A new start._ But it wasn't. Life was _never_ easy on the ground. He leaned that the hard way.

"I don't know, Wells. I'm sure she deserves better than me."

"Let _her_ be the judge of what she deserves."

Since that evening with Wells Bellamy felt even more attracted to the blonde girl. He wanted to know about her more and he _really_ wanted to talk to her but he couldn't.

Sometimes her eyes would find his, his heart would skip a beat and immediately he would break the eye contact even though it was all he wanted from her.

He won't forget that morning that he was lost in his thoughts (actually thinking about her) and he didn't see her coming towards him. But when his eyes caught her blonde hair, his heart stopped and cold sweat washed over his face. Terrified of talking to her, he pretended he didn't see her approaching him and then run away like someone called him. _She can't hear it anyway,_ he thought and the guilt for running away from her didn't let him sleep that night.

Raven came to him the next morning pissed, "What's wrong with you?" she asked him.

"Do you want a list with all of them or just a top five?" Bellamy asked her instead.

"Clarke asked me why you're avoiding her." she said then, and when he heard her name, his heart skipped a beat. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ He asked himself before he looked back to Raven.

"I'm doing it for her own good." he said coldly and looked away from one of his best friend.

"Well, she _doesn't like_ it." Raven told him and before he could say anything else, he was alone.

_Well, she doesn't like it._

Raven's words haunted him for the rest of the day till some hours later, when he saw her sitting on a bench, alone, head leaning down over her sketchbook and hands working like crazy on her drawing.

He looked around to see if anyone is watching him before he took a deep breath to gather himself. They are alone. He is going to talkto her.

"Come on, Bellamy. You have faced worse than this. She is not a grounder with a knife on your throat or a mountain man with a gun pointing at your chest." he murmurs to himself while making his way towards her. _Slowly._ "She doesn't want you dead either. This can't be hard." and then he stops in his track, "What if after avoiding her for so long she doesn't want to speak to me?" he asks himself, fear washing all over his body. He turns to walk away from her but his body doesn't obey. "No. Let her decide what she deserves." he repeats Wells' words and turn to look at her again.

She has her back on his so she didn't see him going back and forth like an idiot. And he really doesn't _know_ what to do. Taking another deep breath, he takes one step at the time, making his way towards the blonde that has his attention for the last month.

He doesn't think before he acts and he feels so stupid now, but it's too late because Clarke jumped when he placed his hand on her shoulder, a weird noise escaping her lips. Who wouldn't be scared feeling something behind them when they can't hear it coming?

She immediately turned to see who came up behind her, fear written all over her face. And Bellamy hated himself for doing that to her. He shouldn't even look at her again. He only scares people.

But Clarke is breathing really fast now, and panic builds inside him so he ends up saying 'I'm so sorry' again and again and then he realizes that Clarke can't hear him and his mind start racing, searching in his memory how to say sorry in sign language and he can't remember _anything_ that Wells taught him. (He tries really hard to stop thinking about the smirk he had on his lips when Bellamy asked him to teach him the sign language.)

When he look at her again, she is breathing normally and she meets his eyes.

He tries again, to say sorry in sign language but he is sure he doesn't get it right. And she let him try for at least five minutes, just watching at him looking down at his hands, trying to get the words right.

_Everything goes wrong,_ he thinks and his eyes turn to Clarke, who kneels down and pick up her sketchbook and the charcoal piece. Then he watches as she turns to a new page and write something down.

' _I can read your lips.'_

She shows him the page and smiles, and then turns it towards her again to write something else.

' _You are forgiven by the way._

_Just don't come to me like this again…?'_

Bellamy smiles, rubbing the back of his neck as he turns from the paper to look at her, "Thanks." he tells her and waits to make sure she got it, "I promise, I won't do it again."

Clarke nods and sit down on the bench again, motion him to sit next to her. His heart skip a beat as he takes the seat next to her and his thigh almost touches hers.

They stay like that for a minute or two, not talking or writing, before Clarke place her sketchbook from her lap on the bench and take his hands in hers.

He let her lift his hands up and with her fingers move his own finger in weird shapes and moves. When she let go of him, his eyes meet hers and he knows she can read the confusion in his eyes. With a smile, Clarke grabs her sketchbook and writes something down.

' _This is how you say 'I'm sorry' in sign language'_

Bellamy smiles as he read her message. "Can you show me again?" he turns to her and asks.

Clarke gives him a nod with a smile and places her drawing supplies to the side, taking Bellamy's hands in hers again.

It takes Bellamy five minutes to get it right. Five minutes of having the girl he really likes next to him, smiling at all his fails. Well, maybe he couldn't get it right because Clarke was the one teaching him.

Clarke picks up the charcoal again and writes something down.

' _It took you only 5 minutes! If we keep going like that, maybe in two years we'll be able to have an actual conversation in sign language.'_

That made him laugh really hard but also made him feels weird because he doesn't know how Clarke feels about seeing people laughing in her face without being able to hear them.

' _So, you can finally talk to me… Was it that hard?'_

Bellamy read her message and pretends to read it for a little longer, just to think about his answer.

"Do you want the truth or a nice answer." he tells her maybe too quickly for Clarke to read his lips. She motions him to repeat then she starts writing.

' _The truth.'_

Bellamy nods and looks up from the paper, "My heart is still beating like crazy for scaring you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Clarke places her hand on his knee to stop him and turn to write her message.

_'You don't have to apologize for that again. I know you didn't mean to scare me.'_

Bellamy nods and gives Clarke another one of his bright smiles.

They start talking about many things from that moment on. They talked about what actually happened after Dianna took the last drop ship and her near death experience and Clarke asked him about their first days on Earth and how hard it was for him and Wells to organize the kids and become a team. He also asks her to teach him how to say some basically words in sign language like 'good morning' and 'good night' or 'thank you' but he is sure that by the end of the day he won't remember anything. Well, anything _but_ how amazing Clarke is and how beautiful she can be when she smiles at him.

They didn't realize it was night, not till Clarke started shivering. He hadn't noticed she was just wearing a shirt and now that the cold air brushed her exposed skin, he immediately took off his jacket and offered it to her. Clarke tried to fight him but she knew he wouldn't let her freeze, so she took the jacket from his hand and put it on, welcoming the warmth that came with it.

They talk for a little bit longer before Clarke tells him she is tired and she could use some sleep. Bellamy stands up and offers her his hand.

"Can I walk you to your quarter?" he asks with a smile.

Clarke smiles back and takes his hand, knowing she doesn't need to write down her answer.

They don't talk while they walk side by side. Clarke glances once or twice up to him and he pretends he doesn't notice it.

Eventually they reach her room and stop outside her door. Clarke starts taking his jacket off without saying anything but Bellamy stops her.

"Keep it." he tells her, "Then I will have a reason to come and talk to you _again._ "

Clarke can't help but smile and then without anyone expecting it, she lifts herself to her tip toes and kisses Bellamy's cheek.

Bellamy stays still for some moments, mostly because he is shocked from Clarke's kiss. She watches him as she opens her door and steps halfway inside. She tells him good night in sign language and Bellamy nods, telling her his own good night and stepping back.

They just stare at each other for some moments before Clarke closes her door. The next morning Bellamy's cheek hurt because he can't stop smiling for his happiness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my god guys! You're amazing! Thank you so much for your feedback! Thank you for all the kudos!
> 
> Applesandoranges050, Addicted2TV, Brave_Princess, Mercenary63 thank you for your comments! You don't know how much they meant to me! Anyway, here another chapter!

From that night on they spent a lot of time together. They talk about everything and they joke around. Bellamy introduced Clarke to his sister, Octavia, and the three of them had a great time, talking about the young-brother Bellamy. He tried multiple times to change the subject but Octavia always ended up talking about their life on the Ark.

"I haven't seen my brother smiling so much since I was ten years old." Octavia says at some point and Bellamy and Clarke stare at each other. "Thank you." she finishes and stand up, "I have to go get Lincoln." she announces and turns to Clarke, "If my brother is busy and you're bored, come to me okay?" she tells her, "I'm not even half way in my 'Bellamy's embarrassing stories' list."

Bellamy pushes her shoulder and glares at her, "I knew it was a bad idea having you meet Clarke." he jokes and Octavia agrees with him in a good way. Clarke doesn't say anything, just write something down.

' _Thank you Octavia. See you tomorrow.'_

Octavia gives the blonde a nod and walks outside the bar area. Bellamy and Clarke didn't say anything for another couple of minutes; they just finished their drinks and looked at each other.

It was getting later and Bellamy was tired because he had been training for four hours this morning but he didn't want to leave Clarke alone.

"Do you want me to walk you-" he doesn't finish his sentence because a fight suddenly breaks out on the other side of the room and he snaps his attention towards the two men having their hands on each other throat.

Clarke was confused for just a second but then she followed Bellamy's eyes and saw what was going on.

Bellamy turns to Clarke and squeeze her shoulders with his hands, "Stay here." and quickly run towards the fight.

He tries to break the two men fighting with no success and suddenly a second pair of hands appears between the two men and Bellamy looks up to find Clarke trying to break up the fight opposite from him.

He was focused on Clarke and he didn't see the punch coming towards him. One of the men hit him hard across the face and he fell back on the floor, his nose hurting and immediately bleeding.

Clarke stared at him scared for a moment between the two men and them she decides to go help Bellamy instead. She steps behind one of the men, circle him to get to Bellamy but she doesn't notice the man backing up toward her and when his back hit her shoulder and their feet get tangled together, Clarke losses her balance and fall down, hitting her head on one of the tables.

Now Bellamy is the one running. He picked himself up quickly from where he fell and kneeled next to Clarke.

"You okay?" he asks scared and takes her head in his palms,stroking the back of her head. She is conscious and it's a very good thing to start. Her eyes are open and it looks like she knows what is going on around them. Then her eyes finds Bellamy's and she brings one hand and hold on Bellamy's wrist, giving him a squeeze to tell him she is alright _._ She nods too.

Bellamy let a breathe he was holding in relief and helps Clarke up on her feet again. He doesn't care for the two men that still fighting somewhere near them, all his attention is on Clarke.

He helps her back to their table with one hand on her back and the other holding her hand. He knows she doesn't need his help but his body is doing the work all by itself. As soon as she sits on her seat, Bellamy kneels in front of her hair and takes her hands in his.

"We should get you to your mother. Check your head for any trauma." he tells her.

Clarke shook her head. "Clarke please-" she tilts her head to the side, her eyes begging him to stop asking her that. He gives in.

"Okay. But she will find out anyway. It's better to find out from you and not from someone who saw the scene." he tries but Clarke doesn't change her mind. Then she turns and writes something on her notebook, then showing it to Bellamy.

' _Can we just go to my room, please?'_

Bellamy smiles, looking down on the floor before standing up. "Let's go." he tells her and pick her notebook and pencil from the table with one hand while the other still holding her hands, "Your mother is going to kill me for not taking you to medical anyway."

That makes Clarke smile and presses herself to his side, the hand that was holding her hands with comes to rest on her shoulders.

Once they are outside her room, Bellamy let go of her and take a step back to look at her. That gives Clarke the needed space to look at Bellamy's bleeding nose she forgot about. Her fingers hover over his nose and cheek before carefully wiping some of the blood from his lips with her thumb.

Bellamy lifts a hand up and hold onto Clarke's, "I'm _okay_." he ensures her. Clarke stares in his eyes for a moment before giving him a small smile and opens her door. She takes his other hand, the one that is holding her stuff, and guides him inside her room.

Bellamy is a little bit scared as Clarke _allows_ him to go in her private place. He can't help but look around. It's small room, with a bed and a desk and a chair, a lot of drawings on the walls and a small wardrobe.

"Nice place." he whispers and she must have read his lips again because she gives his hand a light squeeze before letting go of him to close the door behind them.

Bellamy is lost seeing all her art when she pushes him to sit on her bed. Taking his eyes from the walls, he finds Clarke sitting on the chair just in front of him, a clothe in her hands. She leans forwards and starts wiping the blood from his face again.

He doesn't move. He might as well hold his breath because of how close they are. He stares at her beautiful blue eyes as she takes care of him. Every two or three touches of the clothe on his skin, Clarke turns her eyes and meet his, then back to where she cleans his skin.

When she is finished, she gives him a smile and stands up. She places the now dirty clothe on her desk and write something down on another notebook.

' _Does it hurt?'_

Bellamy looks at the young girl and can't think anything else but how lucky he is to have her in his life. Even if she is only _meant_ to be his friend, he is still lucky. He shakes the thought and shook his head to answer. "I told you. I'm fine."

Clarke smiles again. _Good._

And seeing her like that, leaning against the edge of her desk looking at him, her touch still fresh on his skin, Bellamy thinks it's the right time.

This time he is not anxious. He has done it a hundred times with Wells on their secret sign language lessons and he feels sure for himself. He stands up but doesn't take a step away from the bed and slowly brings his hands up, and started talking to Clarke in sign language.

Clarke read his hands surprised and by the time he is finished she slowly turn her gaze up to his eyes. Tears threaten to escape her eyes.

" _I really like you, Clarke, and I was wondering if I could kiss you."_ he had asked her and by the sparkle in her eyes, Bellamy can tell he did it right.

Clarke pushes herself off from the desk and makes her way to Bellamy before she stops hallway and nod her answer.

The truth is that Bellamy is shocked and maybe scared because she _actually_ agreed to kiss her. He doesn't think twice though. He is so unlucky in this life that she might actually change her mind and kick him out if he waited more. He takes a long step to stop just in front of her and slowly bring a hand on the back of her neck.

Clarke closes her eyes, waiting for Bellamy to kiss her and have all of her senses on the taste of his lips. On Bellamy.

He _kisses_ her softly and his other hand finds its place around her waist, pushing her body to his. _Always_ gently, not pushing her to do something she doesn't want to even when she says she wants to.

Clarke hands go around Bellamy's neck too and she tangles her fingers in his curly hair, feeling all of him.

They break the kiss for air, both of them breathing heavily because the lack of oxygen as Bellamy rests his forehead down on hers. He gives a quick kiss on Clarke's nose as he takes a step back and tugs Clarke with him.

He sits on her bed and Clarke takes the seat next to him. Then Bellamy kicks his boots off and Clarke follows him a little bit confused. She knows sex is not what he wants or need. When he climbs up the bed, taking Clarke with him, he rest his head on her pillow and Clarke rest her head on his chest, legs tangled together.

Bellamy doesn't know how long they stay like this till he can hear Clarke sleeping and he realizes he could stay here forever. This young girl in his arms, peacefully sleeping next to him is all he wants from his life now. No leadership. No power. Just someone that can love him for _who_ he is.

He falls asleep some minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think about this chapter? I know it was smaller but I want to say a small story in every one of them so... I really love hearing from my readers. Please, leave me a comment and tell me what you think or want to see? 
> 
> Till the next chapter, you can find me on [tumblr](http://bellarkestories.tumblr.com/)! See you soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS! Here I'm again with another chapter! Thank you for all your feedback! You don'y know how happy you make me! I think you will love this chapter! See you at the end. Warning: it's a long chapter...!

_He is back in Mt. Weather._ _And he is standing_ _in the middle of the control room. But something is different. He_ _looks_ _around him. He is alone. Wells is not there with him. Neither is Monty. He is alone._

_Then a scream fills the air around him and his heart stop. He turns around and finds a radio standing on the desk next to the lever. Someone screams again and his head snap_ _up_ _to the screens._

_She is there_ _and is tied_ _up on the torturing table. The evil doctor with the drill_ _is_ _in_ _his hand, making holes in Clarke's leg. She screams again and his heart just stops beating._

_He can't breathe. He can't move. He can't take him eyes from the screen. He only hears. He hears Clarke's screams and he hears the drill and the monster that call himself doctor tell the other to shut Clarke's mouth because he can't stand hearing her._

_And then everything stops. He can't hear anything_ _but someone_ _breathing on the other side of the radio._

" _This is your fault." the voice says_ and Bellamy snaps his eyes open, thrusting up and taking in the room around him. He is breathing heavily, his heart races with his mind and some moments later he realizes he is not in his room and as he comes to his sense, he feels someone hugging him. _Clarke._

His eyes slowly fall down on her, her blonde hair being the first thing he sees and then she turns her face up to meet his eyes.

He can read her eyes. _You're okay. I'm here._ And he wants to believe her. He wants to believe that he will be okay and everything will be okay but he can't. The image of Clarke on Cage's table is still fresh and that dream was his worst nightmare since Mt. Weather.

_Clarke_ _was_ _being hurt because of him and he couldn't do anything to stop it._

He knew he has feelings for her almost since he first saw her but he never had a nightmare about her ever. Maybe what happened earlier in the bar woke up the fear of hurting someone you love he always was inside him. Because that's who he is. He always hurt people.

Clarke brings him back from his thoughts when one of her hands slowly reaches up and wipes the tears from his face. Tears he didn't know they were there. He leans to her touch.

"I'm sorry for waking you up. I should go." Bellamy says clearly and untangles himself from Clarke's hands. He turns his back on her and searches for his boots when he feels the bed shift behind him and Clarke's hand to come and rest around his chest.

He looks over his shoulder, meeting once again Clarke pleading eyes. _Please, don't go._ And god, he can't deny her anything. With a nod, he lays back on the bed with Clarke laying half on him.

He doesn't believe he will go to sleep again but he does. His grip around Clarke is tight even in his sleep.

When Bellamy opens his eyes again, he comes face to face with blonde curls. He looks farther down and sees Clarke nose sticking out from her hair line, her head still laying on him and her hand hugging him.

He can't fight the need to kiss her hair and when he does, Clarke stirs in his arms. He feels her taking a deep breath against him as she slowly wake up and her grip tightens around him just for a moment before opening her eyes and turning up to him.

She kisses his chin for _good morning_ and his heart races from happiness. He kisses her forehead in respond and Clarke closes her eyes to his touch.

For the next five or so minutes, Clarke and Bellamy stayed like that, just feeling each other in their arms without a care in the world. And then suddenly Clarke pushes herself up with a hand on Bellamy's chest, planting a quick kiss on his lips before sitting on the bed and lean down to grab her notebook and pencil from their feet where Bellamy left them last night.

Coming back to Bellamy, he pushed himself up to lean against the bed head and Clarke sits next to him, leaning slightly to his side as he brings her knees to her chest and place her notebook in front of her.

Bellamy places a hand over her shoulder, pulling her to his side a little bit more as she writes something down.

' _Where did you learn s-'_

He doesn't let her finish her sentence. Because from the way they are sitting, she can't see his lips, he takes the pencil from her hand and writes on the notebook too.

' _Secret lessons with Wells.'_

Clarke smiles down to the notebook and takes the pencil from his fingers again.

' _You're_ _silly. And I thought you only wanted to be friends because you didn't ask me to teach you sign language since that first night!'_

Bellamy laughs and he knows Clarke knows it even though she can't hear it because she glances up to him, a bright smile on her lips. She gives him the pencil.

' _Sorry for making you_ _doubt_ _about my feelings. I just wanted to… surprise you?'_

His eyes move from the notebook down to the girl in his arms and smiles, _happiness_ written all over on both their faces. Clarke takes the pencil.

' _If you wanted to surprise me… then you're forgiven.'_

Bellamy smiles at her, thinking of how much that must have meant for Clarke… to talk with her in sign language. He kisses the side of her head and holds it a little bit longer than _usually_.

Before they can do anything else the door flies open and worried Abby runs inside. Both Bellamy and Clarke tense at the sight of Clarke's mother and Bellamy might as well think he is already dead by the look Abby throws him.

Abby sits next to Clarke's thigh and place her palm on her knees. "Gina told me what happened last night." she tells them, "Are you okay?"

Clarke nods her answer and then tells Abby in sign language that Bellamy can't make out. Clarke answers in sign language too.

"It's good you don't have a headache…" her words drift and them she turns to Bellamy, "You should have brought her to medical as soon as she hit her head, Bellamy!" she tells him, her voice raised a little bit more.

Then Clarke places the notebook and pencil down on the floor and tells her mother something in sign language. Bellamy is surprised that he actually _understood_ what she said.

" _I asked him not to, mom. I wanted to just sleep."_

Abby sighs and look down at her hand on Clarke's knee. With a nod, the older Griffin stands up and turn her back to them to leave the room. But before she closes the door, she turns to Clarke and say, "Come and find me later?"

Clarke nods and gives her mother a smile before they are left alone again. They never talk about his nightmare.

* * *

 

_It was the same nightmare. Clarke on Mt. Weather's operation table, the drill making holes in her and her screams filling the control room where Bellamy was standing alone. The only difference was that this time, the ground started shaking_ and he opened his eyes, Clarke was above him, shaking his shoulder.

Since that night with the fight in the bar, Bellamy has spent some nights in Clarke's room. They haven't done anything more than sleep and it's all Bellamy wants and needs.

When his eyes meet hers, he can read the worry all over her face. The way she leans above him, a hand on each of his shoulder as they lay on her bed, makes some of her hair fall in front of her face and it makes her so _beautiful._

Bellamy rubs his eyes with two fingers before his arms pulls Clarke down, onto his chest. It is his way to say _I'm sorry._ Clarke hands move from his shoulder to hug him the best she can and then she strokes her cheek against his chest.

Bellamy kisses the top of her hair before she turns up to him; _do_ _you want to talk about it?_

Clarke asked Octavia and Raven long time ago about what Bellamy and Wells had to do to survive the ground with the grounders attacking them all the time. And she knows about Mt. Weather a lot since she was on the ground too but she doesn't know any details and she really believes she has to know so she can help Bellamy get through it.

She is stilling looking at him, "Go to sleep." he tells her. He doesn't want to keep her up at night because of his nightmares. He already feel really bad for waking her like this a second time, especially when she can't hear anything. Having someone thrusting next to you in the middle of the night must be very terrifying.

Clarke shook her head, her palm comes and rests flat above where his heart it. _You need to talk about it._

The truth is that except the writing and the sign language, they communicate with only their eyes or touches too. Like they can read the others mind. It's a connection he only had with Octavia before Earth and he really can't explain how Clarke knows him so well when she maybe doesn't know him _at all._ That's what makes her so special to him.

"I'm okay, Clarke. It was just another nightmare." he didn't say it was another nightmare about _you._

Then Clarke kisses the nearest part on his face, his chin, and rests her head again on his chest. She doesn't push him to talk again that night. She never does push him to talk. And Bellamy knows it's not because she doesn't care about him, but because she respects his wishes and needs.

They fall asleep listening to the other steady breath.

Bellamy wakes up first again. Most of the times he wakes up first and he doesn't complain because he loves looking at Clarke while she wakes up next to him.

He can tell its morning by the light that comes from the small window above the bed and it's early because the village is still quiet. This is one of his favorite parts of the day. His favorite is whenever he is with Clarke.

When Clarke wakes up next to him, he gives her a smile as she turns to her belly and lay half on bed and half on him. She smiles back with sleepy eyes.

"Clarke, I'm sorry-"

She cuts him off by placing a finger against his lips, shielding them before she pulls herself up and replace it with her lips.

Bellamy's hands then move to her back, pulling her and pressing her to him even more. Her lips trace his skin from his lips, to his neck and slowly planting small kisses on his shoulder blade. He closes his eyes, enjoying what Clarke does to him when all he can see is her bloody face, mouth wide open and the room filled with her screams.

In horror, he pushes her away from him by her shoulders, meeting her confused eyes. He blinks several times, coming to his sense. But before he can do or say anything, Clarke sits on the bed.

"Clarke, I'm sorry." he whispers but that doesn't take the hurt in her eyes, "It's not you-"

She cuts him off by turning her back on him, stopping him because he knows she can't read his lips. His heart clinch at the thought, _I screwed it up._

But then, Clarke stands up and takes a notebook from her desk, flipping though pages to find an empty page and write something down. When she turns back to look at him, he look her in her eyes and ignore the notebook in front of her chest. The hurt is _still_ there.

She stares back at him and for some reason that makes Bellamy look down at the notebook, scared of what he might read.

' _I understand that I'm not the problem Bellamy, but I am. I don't know how to help you. And I can't help you if you don't talk to me.'_

He turns his gaze up to her again, letting her knows he read it but before he could say what he wanted, Clarke turns her back to him again, writing something else down. She turns some moments later.

' _I want to help you, Bellamy. I don't want to watch you go through all this alone. Please, let me help you.'_

She doesn't give him time to respond as she walks back to bed and sit on the edge of it, right next to his thigh. She places the notebook in front of her and takes Bellamy's hand in hers, giving it a squeeze.

Bellamy doesn't want this. He doesn't want to tangle her in the bad part of his life. That part it's his and no one else's. As much as it hurts, he takes his hand back and pushes himself in sitting position, leaning against the wall behind him.

"They are my problems. Not your." he tells her and the hurt in her eyes becomes more visible. She turns to write her answer down.

' _But I want your problems to be mine too.'_

Bellamy read the note but doesn't take his eyes from it when he finishes. "No you don't." he says, "Clarke, I've done horrible things before even I got to the ground. You won't look at me the same way ever again if I tell you about them." he continues, "And it might be selfish- to hide things from you just to keep you by my side but-" he licks his lips, finally turning to look at her, "But I don't want to lose you too."

Clarke shifts closer to him, taking the notebook on her lap and starts writing again. He doesn't look down at it, Bellamy studies Clarke eyes as she focuses on writing, following her eyes as they move from one side to the other.

Once she is finished, she slowly glances at him and her eyes fall down on the notebook. She gives it to Bellamy and it's a long note.

' _Nothing can make me change the way I look at you, Bellamy._ _Ever._ _Your demons, what you did before we even got here, you did it to survive. And if the bad things you did is what kept you and the other kids alive, then I'm glad you took those choices and you're here with me now. "No one would have_ _survived_ _this place if it wasn't for you." This is what Wells told_ _me_ _when we got on the ground and now I can see why. You sacrificed yourself mentally and physically for the good of your friends. And now I want to 'sacrifice' my simple life to make sure you stay the man you really are. You are a good man,_ _Bellamy_ _. Even if I'm not by your side to reminds you that, I want you to remember this. You are a good man.'_

The tears from Bellamy's eyes fell on the notebook, wetting more than one page. He doesn't make a move to wipe them though, or hide the affection her words have on him. In his mind, her last words plays in repeat, _you_ _are a good man you are a good man you are a good man you are good..._

Clarke's soft skin against the hard skin of his cheek is what brings him back from his thoughts. Clarke shifted even closer to him while he was lost, now her own tears rolling down her cheek. He feels her fingers wipe the tears away and softly stroke his skin. He closes his eyes and leans to her touch.

He knows Clarke won't stop caressing his face unless he opens his eyes and stops her so he _let_ her help him. He knows she understands that he really let her in now by doing this.

Once he collected himself, his thoughts and mind, he opens his eyes and meets Clarke's. She is still there, _waiting_ for him.

He doesn't break the eyes contacts as he places his hands on each of her sides and helps her come up the bed, actually sitting on his legs. Then he starts talking.

He speaks slowly, giving Clarke time to read every world that escapes his lips. He started from the Ark and from the day Octavia was born. He told her about watching his mother coming home late at nights a mess and he told her about the first time the Ark almost found out about his sister and he almost died from fear. He went through each time that fear built inside him for the last 16 years. Then he told her about the day they found out about her, and the day after when he saw his mother get lost in space. And then he talked about how horrible it was to return in an empty room, the two people he ever cared about being far away from him.

She gives him time to cry, she doesn't push him to continue when he stops, letting him wash all the _pain_ he was holding for so many years out of his heart by himself. She just sits there, wiping tear after tear, making him feel safe only by sitting by his side while he breaks apart.

When he continues with his story on Earth, she can tell it was harder for him. He tells her he killed a lot of people, good _and_ bad; and watched friends get killed too. He calls himself a monster that only knows how to hurt people. People he cares about. That is the only moment Clarke interrupts him. She writes him that he did what he had to, that he had to change so he can survive, that one action doesn't define him as a man and Bellamy read carefully every word of hers. And he wants to believe her, he really does, but it's not as easy as he thought it would be when he let her in.

By the time Bellamy is finished, the camp outside is alive. Clarke's eyes finally unlock from his lips and look at his. She leans forward, cupping his face and capturing his lips in hers in a soft but _strong_ kiss. Then, she breaks their kiss and step out of bed, making her way towards her day pants and jacket.

Clarke glances at him just for a moment and it's enough to keep her gaze. She stares at him confused.

"Where are you going?" he asks confused too.

Clarke holds an open palm above her stomach and looks outside, and then continues getting dressed while looking at him.

"You're hungry?" he asks, maybe a little bit _surprised_. Clarke nods.

Shaking his head, Bellamy quickly pushes himself up, making his way towards Clarke and stopped just in front of her.

"After everything I told you…" his words drift for a moment, "you still want to do this?" he asks, his eyes studying hers.

Clarke shakes her head, "Clarke-" she cuts him off by leaning behind him and grabbing the notebook and her pencil. She search through some pages before she stops on one and does a quick move with the pencil. When she turns it to Bellamy, he sees the sentence 'Nothing can make me change the way I look at you, Bellamy.' underlined and next to it the word _'Ever_. _'_ in a circle.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out in relief, he pushes the notebook in the side from where it was between them and leans down, capturing Clarke's lips in a _long_ kiss. When they break away for air, he leans his forehead to hers and closes his eyes.

He wants to say 'I love you.' but he has a better idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think? Did you like it? What you didn't like? Leave a comment and let me know all this kind of stuff! I really love hearing from you! The next chapter will be the last so... Anyway. See you soon guys! Thank you again!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, is anyone here? I'm so sorry I haven't updated this story for... well ages. I don't have an excuse... Just life and inspiration problems... So, here is the new and last chapter of this story.

No, this is not what was supposed to happen. He had everything organized. He had talked with Abby and Kane who’d given him their approval, he had talked with Wells to help pick her favorite foods, and teach him a few things, hell he had even asked Raven about the damn _blanket design_.

He should have known better that after the pain he had caused to so many people, life would get him back and the world wouldn’t let him have this one.

It was just a picnic. He just wanted that. To go out with Clarke and have some fun without any of their usual stresses. He wanted them to sleep under the starts too but Abby cut him off before he could even finish _that_ thought. Bellamy and Clarke set out early in the morning, dew and fog and mist shrouding their way, so they could make it back by dinner. Little did they know that they wouldn’t even make it till noon.

It was a grounder. He came out of nowhere. Holding a knife. Bellamy and Clarke automatically jumped up from where they were lounging when they saw him. Bellamy pushed Clarke behind him with an arm around her middle, and he could feel her fists grabbing the back of his shirt in worry. But this wasn’t supposed to happen today. It wasn’t supposed to happen at _all_ anymore, not since they made that Treaty of peace with Trikru, so he didn’t have any weapons with him as he faced the bloodlust-filled eyes of the grounder.

The grounders took a step closer to them, and Bellamy was surprised to note that he did in fact wear Trikru clothing, and a Trikru mask. Bellamy was pushing Clarke further behind him, brushing her with steady fingers in a motion that meant, _please just go, I have this under control._ But Clarke shook her head and tightened her grip on his shirt.

The only weapon the grounder had was a small dagger. Bellamy supposed finding each other wasn’t the grounder’s plan either, but rather he stumbled upon them and took advantage of the opportunity to take out some Skaikru. But as Lincoln once told him, a true warrior never backs down from a fight, not when something they loved was at stake. Bellamy caught sight of Clarke from over his shoulder, blue eyes wild and blonde hair tangled. He caught the grounders eyes again, surprise and vengefulness in his brown eyes. Bellamy knew he had to fight him.

Bellamy took a few punches from the grounders before he could disarm him and pin him down on the ground. He didn’t see the grounder taking a second knife from a hidden spot as he wrapped his hands around the man’s throat. He only felt the pain in his stomach when the blade was fully sheathed in his abdomen. The pain was unbearable but he kept his hands around the grounders neck till his hands fell limp beside them, the knife slipping from his grip. He wasn’t dead, Bellamy had stopped with the killing. He was simply rendered unconscious for the time being. And that meant they needed to leave.

However, as soon as Bellamy let go of the grounder, Clarke ran and knelt next to them. She cupped his face with one hand and pull him towards her away from where he’d collapsed atop the grounder. He felt Clarke pulling back and he reopened his eyes, finding her staring down with her own open wide.

After that everything was a little bit blurry. He remembered Clarke pushing him against a tree, and putting pressure on his wound, he remembered telling her that everything would be okay and to stop crying because he would be fine. He remembers hating himself for being the reason she was so worried, scared, and couldn’t stop crying. He also remembered her pushing him up and holding him there. He doesn’t quite remember walking back home and he definitely doesn’t remember getting into the medical bay of their new camp.

But there he was, feeling like shit even before he opened his eyes. Bellamy slowly peeled his eyelids open and found himself staring at the tiled ceiling of the Arcer’s makeshift hospital. He wasn’t very confused, per say, he could use logic to fill the holes in his memory, he just felt strangely empty. Pain fluttered in his stomach. All that mattered was that he was safe in Arkadia and that meant Clarke was safe too.

He sighed at the fact that they were both okay. He didn’t even want to imagine Clarke getting hurt and him not being able to do anything about it.

From the corner of his eyes he saw someone standing up next to him and he turned his gaze to that person.

Of course it was Clarke. There, standing by his side, eyes tired and red probably from crying. Crying for him. A small wave of shame washed over him at the thought making Clarke cry but he quickly pushed it away. He shouldn’t be ashamed of that. It wasn’t his fault. Clarke’s reminded him of this daily, reminded him to take a step back from his thoughts and analyze them. They were okay. That’s what mattered. He opened his eyes, which he’d shut in contemplation, to take Clarke in.

He said a small “Hey.” and gave her an equally small, but massively relieved, smile.

Clarke smiled back, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment before bringing a hand up and stroke some hair on his forehead. _Hi._

They stared at each other, just _existing_ for a minute or two before Bellamy uncovered one of his hands and took Clarke’s in his. “Are you okay?” he asked and studied Clarke’s eyes as she read his lips.

Clarke nodded with another tiny and maybe sad smile, giving his hand a tight squeeze. She swallowed and Bellamy was quick to wipe away the lonely tear that rolled down her cheek.

“Hey, it’s okay.” he whispered, tears threatening to escape his own eyes now. With the same hand he cupped the side of her face, stroking her soft skin with his calloused fingers.

Clarke closed her eyes and pressed herself into his touch, her own hand coming up to hold on his wrist. Bellamy watched as she buried her fingers between his palm and her cheek only to intertwine their hands. Clarke pulled them down, his hand engulfing hers, to rest together on Bellamy’s rising and falling chest and Clarke seemed like she couldn’t take her eyes from their interlocked bones.

Without letting go of him, Bellamy watched as Clarke reached with the other hand on the table next to his bed and grabbed onto a note book. She placed it on her lap where Bellamy couldn’t see it and grasped a piece of charcoal in her fingers.

A moment later she held the notebook up with three fingers while the other two held on the piece of charcoal. Bellamy ignored the small doodle of him sleeping on the corner of the pace and looked at her message instead.

 _‘I was so scared... Don’t_ ever _do that again!’_

Bellamy choked out a laugh because even if he did promise her that, he knew he won’t be able to keep it. But he understood because he felt the same way for Octavia and Clarke. He was scared of them getting hurt too. He couldn’t fight it anymore.

Bellamy gave her hand a squeeze and turned his gaze from the paper to Clarke. “I’m sorry for scaring you.” he said slowly. “And I’m sorry for putting your life in danger.” he added, now not being able to look at Clarke.

She shook her head, letting the note book fall on her lap again and quickly writing something.

Bringing it up Bellamy read _‘It wasn’t your fault.’_ and smiled, now him being the one to shake his head. But he chose to not argue on that point. He was too tired for it.

“That was your first time outside the camp, wasn’t it?” he asked instead, changing the subject.

Clarke nodded with a not-so sad smile.

“I bet after this, you won’t want to get outside again.” he joked but deep inside him he knew it was true. It was hard for _him_ not to be scared while outside the safe walls of Arkadia, he couldn’t imagine how Clarke felt about it.

But to his surprise Clarke shook her head and wrote something down.

_‘Only if I’m with you. I’m not afraid if I’m with you.’_

Bellamy really didn’t know what to say to that. She caught him off guard. Again. And he didn’t know what he did to have a girl like Clarke by his side anyway. She believed so much and with all her heart in him. She trusted him and wanted to be by his side even though she knew all the horrible things he did until now. He felt like he didn’t deserve her at all. She deserved someone pure and whole like her. Not someone as broken and contaminated as him. It was a thought that crossed his mind every damn day.

He shook himself of his thoughts, recognizing that he was beating himself up again, and knowing that Clarke was waiting for him to say something. But before he could say anything he heard Clarke whisper, in a voice hoarse from lack of usage,

“I love you.”

Bellamy stilled. His heart stopped and he was so overwhelmed that he thought he might never feel anything else but her hand in his and the love in his heart for the rest of his life.

She spoke. She spoke and her voice was as sweet as the millions of times he’d imagined it. She never spoken to him before, hadn’t spoken to anyone else in years, and the first words she said was that she loved him and it was already too much. He knew he was crying, his vision was blurred from tears, tears he couldn’t hold back and without thinking he finally did what he wanted to do in the woods some hours before.

He freed his hand from hers and pushed himself a little further up. He ignored the shooting pain and Clarke’s features mixing with worry and confusion. Move after move, wave after wave as Wells taught him. Twisting his fingers into shapes Clarke would understand the language she’d used to communicate only to say…

_I love you._

Clarke blinked her eyes. Still and surprised and confused and happy. It took her a moment but when she got over the shock, she threw herself forwards, arms coming around Bellamy’s neck and pressed her face into his shoulder. She was hugging him so tight it felt like Bellamy was going to break. His arms came around her too, without having to think about it and he kissed the side of her hair.

She was crying too, he felt the tears rolling down the bare skin of his shoulder and collarbone. And he knew they were tears of joy and happiness because he had the same tears running down his cheeks too.

He didn’t know for how long they held each other but he wouldn’t be the first to let go. So he let Clarke stay in his arms as long as she wanted.

And when she pushed herself back, he didn’t have time to do anything but welcome Clarke’s lips on his. Her taste and warmth blossomed against his skin in a way he would never forget. And when she kissed him harder, he returned the kiss with the same hard and passionate. And god, how addicted to her lips was he already, it was like he hadn’t breathed in all his years and was finally taking in air. The lips pressed against his were the ones he’d watched curl into a smile. The lips he caught himself staring at so many times. The lips he always wanted to taste. And now he _was_ tasting them. It was surreal, almost.

They broke the kiss to let some air in their lungs and Clarke leant her forehead on his own, biting her lips with closed eyes and the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her face.

When they caught their breath, Clarke opened her eyes and met his. He was smiling and his cheeks hurt from keeping it for so long but he didn’t care. He was happy for once and he would smile as much and for as long as he wanted. Right now, with Clarke in his arms, he didn’t give a fuck about the world and its wants. This moment he would live for himself and Clarke, no one else and for nothing else. Only the two of them.

But he should have known that the moment wouldn’t last for too long. Before he could capture Clarke’s lips in his again, the door behind them opened and Bellamy snapped his head to the cracking sound the door made as it opened.

Clarke quickly followed his eyes and they both stared at Octavia who had frozen with shock in the doorway. Bellamy felt heat rising on his cheeks from embarrassment. _That’s one way for Octavia to find out,_ he thought and felt Clarke pushing herself out of his arms, eyes locked on Clarke.

He let go of her, already missing her warmth, and turned his attention back to his sister.

“Hey O.” he said with a hesitant smile.

“I see you were both too busy to come and tell me that my brother is finally awake huh?” she teased, stepping inside the room and walking towards Bellamy’s bed.

Bellamy smiled, “Sorry, O.” he started, “We were caught off guard with this too.” he laughed, one arm reaching around Clarke’s middle, earning him a shy smile.

Octavia nodded, giving him a knowing look, “I believe you, big brother-” she paused, “-and I forgive you too. For getting yourself in danger” she added, “At least you were in good hands.” she glanced at Clarke and the blonde didn’t really know what to do to hide her embarrassment. Bellamy _was_ her brother after all.

“Okay, I’ll leave you too alone then.” Octavia said when neither Bellamy nor Clarke say anything. She took a step towards the door when Clarke reached for her hand to stop her. Octavia turned to her friend with confusion.

Clarke let go of Octavia’s hand and quickly grabbed the note book that fell on the floor. She brought it up to the bedside table and scribbled something down/. Then she held it up for Octavia to read it.

_‘Please, can you tell my mom to come and check on him?’_

Both Bellamy and Octavia read the message and before Octavia can agree, Bellamy took the note book and charcoal from Clarke’s hands and wrote something down himself.

_‘In 10 minutes…’_

Octavia read it and laughed. Clarke’s blush told him she’d probably felt like hiding somewhere for the next ten years.

“Okay, Bell. I’ll give you 10 minutes.” Octavia agreed, “But Clarke is right, Abby should have a look at your wound soon.”

“I know. I just want 10 more minutes…” he explained, tightening his hold around Clarke.

“And you have them so use them wisely.” she teased, walking outside the room without saying anything else.

A moment later, Clarke turned back to Bellamy, looking at his silly smile. “You heard my sister,” he said and Clarke read his lips, “We only have 10 minutes.” And with that, Clarke leant down and kissed him, this time slow and teasing.

Fifteen minutes later, Abby walked in on them kissing too. Thankfully she didn’t say anything. She checked on Bellamy’s wound, she ensured them that everything will heal fine and walked out again.

(Abby threatened him two days later.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank every who stayed with me till the end. Thank everyone who left a commmet and kudo. Thank you for reading and giving my fic a chance! I love every one of you! Take care!

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo? What do you think? Please, let me know if you liked it with a comment or/and a kudo! To clear some things out: 1) Clarke is deaf, so she never heard her parents talking on the Ark, she never got locked up and she didn't went on the ground with the 100. 2) Wells was in lock up tho and he plays the role of Clarke in this fic (leads side by side with Bellamy... pulled that lever in Mount Weather and blah blah blah...) Keep in mind that this was the first chapter and I had to built the whole thing so if you didn't like it, just give it another chance? Anyway! See you soon with the new chapter! Till then you can find me on [tumblr](http://bellarkestories.tumblr.com/).


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